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Monday, January 15, 2007

The problem with Kylie



I read in the newspaper today that Kylie Minogue has been staying in the "exclusive Malmaison hotel" in Manchester. Well I stayed there last year and didn't find it that exclusive. It tried far too hard to be trendy and just ended up as annoying and overly pleased with itself. The interior decor was horrific and reminded me of the art direction of The Persuaders. Like most of these trendy hotels they either employ too much lighting or not enough; the bar/restaurant was in perpetual gloom and the prices were very high. The only good thing about it was that it was near the station.


So. Kylie. I should really like her. Attractive pop poppet famous for prancing around in next to nothing on stage and all. The problem is I find her completely unsexy. I really struggled to get a good picture off the internet for this entry. It can't just be that most of her music is completely forgettable or that she affects that over the top cod American accent when singing (why do all non American singers sing in American accents-and even weirder, why does no-one ever mention it?). She has a famously attractive bottom so I should fancy her. Does the music put me off? No, because I think Jennifer Lopez is far sexier and her music is dreadful. She has quite a pretty face and can scrub up really well. I think the problem is that she has a very dull figure. Like many very short girls (and I have a fair bit of experience with the sub 5'2" brigade) she has rather stubby legs and her proportions just sort of look wrong. Some short girls are very curvy and so you can forgive them the short legs. So, sorry Kylie, you won't be appearing here again soon even if you are a very nice person. I had a colleague whose friend was a theatrical costumier and had worked with her and said she was lovely in exactly the same way that Geri Halliwell wasn't. Sadly agent Triple P does not care what your personality is like so you had better stick to your two-timing froggie boyfriend.

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