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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Girls Aloud Break Up!

Well, they plan to break up in September. After a lucrative tour and DVD. They all plan to follow different careers (yes,right) but only Cheryl Cole plans to continue as a singer. No doubt her career will be as succesful as Rachel Stevens.

Not surprising that only one of them plans to sing having seen them live on a TV programme a few months ago. They were truly dreadful . And they were supposed to be winners of a singing contest? Never mind singing is not really the point of Girls Aloud (although Love Machine is one of the great British pop songs of the last five years). Appearing in the Sun and the News of the World falling out of nightclubs in miniscule dresses, beating up bathroom attendants, swearing like squaddies and appearing in FHM in never quite as much undress as you would hope for is really their purpose in life.

I always liked Cheryl the best, with her interesting tatoo on her thigh and her ever present cleavage until she married that dreary footballer. She has rather ordinary legs however.

Nadine is quite nice too but Agent Triple P cannot stand that excruciating Ulster accent. It really is the most awful regional accent in Britain and it is, in fact, impossible, for a woman to be sexy with a Northern Irish accent (c.f. Welsh and Scottish).


Kimberley is the one everyone tends to forget. She seems to put on weight more than the others which indicates: a) she has a sensible body image and is not falling foul of the skinny is best tyranny b) she eats to much and takes in too many calories c) she drinks too much and takes in too many calories. In most of her glamour photos she has a bit of a tummy (which Agent Triple P finds quite appealing) but latterly she is looking increasingly like a currant bun or a Cabbage Patch Doll as her weight piles on.


Nicola is famously the "ugly one" and she does have an unfortunate nose but she is a natural redhead which gives her bonus points with Agent Triple P. Sadly, she has taken to dyeing her hair given all the anti redhead flak she was receiving. I have always found this odd. I had a girlfriend once, SA, who always had this dreadful bleached blonde hair. When I eventually saw ner naked (having persuaded her to join me in the shower after a run) I discovered she had a glorious auburn bush. Nicola can't sing (well, she sings even worse than the other four) and is a hopeless dancer (whenever the band are on television note how the director avoids getting her in the shot at all) but there seems to be a backlash going on which is attempting to persuade people that she is the "interesting" one or the dark horse of the group. This, Agent Triple P suspects, is because she probably puts it about more, can hold her drink and goes like a bomb. Nevertheless as a visually interesting specimen she doesn't score that highly and Agent Triple P didn't even have a picture of her in his girlie folders. I chose this one off the net as she is still a redhead is flashing her tummy and looks OK. The Scouse accent is nearly as bad as the Ulster one, however.


Finally, Sarah Harding is the class of the group (visually of course, none of them are exactly Serena Scott-Thomas) and it's not surprising that she has recently picked up a lucrative lingerie contract. She has the body, the face and, above all the legs. Agent Triple P hopes, therefore, that her post Girls Aloud career is a success! I was hard pressed to choose a favourite picture but will go with this recent Ultimo one I think.

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