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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Miss Universe 2012 Olivia Culpo





Well, Miss USA, Olivia Culpo, won the Miss Universe competition for the eighth time in 60 years.  There has been much comment on the fact that every one of those wins came when the competition was held in the USA although, to be fair, the competition was held exclusively in the US until 1972 when it ventured to Puerto Rico.  Since then, however it has been more mobile internationally.  In the last forty years it has only been in the US twelve times.  This compares with five UK winners for Miss World, its UK based international beauty competitor (which actually predated Miss Universe by a year), all of whom won in the UK.  Miss World didn't have a non-UK venue until 1989.  So we feel that this criticism is a little unfair.


She's certainly got the legs


We didn't rate Olivia as one of our picks for 2012 in our previous post, not that that was a particularly scientific examination of the contestants.  She certainly ticks some of Triple P's boxes being a dark haired Mediterranean type from an Italian family but we am afraid that she really does nothing for Triple P.  Before she was Miss USA she was Miss Rhode Island, America's smallest state, we seem to remember from having a girlfriend, B, from there many years ago.




Now of course in these politically correct days, when the concept of a beauty competition seems to need as much justification as possible, you can't just base the decision on what she looks like so there all sorts of "personality" factors, including a live question and answer session where she, apparently, did quite well by saying that she had would have had no problem about a transgender competitor (a controversial issue this year).




She appears to be quite an interesting and talented person, being an excellent cellist (both of her parents were musicians).  Agent Triple P went out with a lady cellist once and always found it a most satisfactory and sensual instrument for a woman to play.


Nothing to see here


Ah, but where is the big "but" in all of this, you ask?  Well, that's exactly part of it.  She doesn't have one.  Now you are never going to get a porker winning Miss Universe and, indeed if you did it would be wrong and, no doubt, done for politically correct (and therefore, by definition, incorrect) reasons.




So here we come to the root of our problem with Miss Culpo who is, undeniably, a very beautiful woman indeed.  She is thin to the point of emaciation.  Look at the bones visible on her upper chest and her side profile in the picture above this one.  Nasty!  If she put on about ten pounds she would look a lot better we reckon.  Now there are no chubby contestants in Miss Universe (although Miss Cyprus looked a bit more womanly) but, even so.




Now there are two other things we are suspicious of, given how low her body fat must be: she seems to have two very hemispherical breasts.  Now, they aren't huge but are they real?  They do look a bit "stuck on".  But we may be being unfair.  She is only twenty, after all.  Apparently, the first thing she did on getting back to her room was order a cheeseburger on room service but maybe it was so she could throw away the bun, the burger and the cheese and keep the lettuce.


Nothing wrong with her face, however


Agent Triple P's pick of Miss Philippines, Janine Tugonon, wasn't so bad as she finished second.  Three more of our picks, Miss Kosovo (and she, Diana Adviu, won the Miss Photogenic prize), Miss Croatia and Miss Poland were also in the last sixteen.


Is it a bird? Is it a plane?  No, it's time to change your stylist


The best thing about Britain's entry was her name: Holly Hale.  She was also hampered by a truly awful "national costume" which made her look like a low-rent super hero from a bad sixties comic book.  But at least she has a bottom.


The top five: Brazil, USA, Australia, Philippines and Venezuela


All these international ladies have got us thinking that we need an international babe of the month feature!  In fact we already have one in mind!

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