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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Eurovision 2014: Polish entry - Donatan and Cleo

Cleo sings for Poland

So, another bizarre Eurovision Song Contest has passed with an even more bizarre winner in bearded Austrian transvestite Conchita Wurst, who BBC commentator Graham Norton (who was very off-form this year) kept calling "she".  Still, it was a strong song, in a pastiche James Bond theme sort of way, which was very well sung by Tom (as he is really called).

Lorenzo shakes it

Britain's entry, the completely unknown Molly Smitten-Downes (whose name sounds like a character from a Jilly Cooper showjumping and shagging novel), had the advantage of going last but the disadvantage of not being able to sing that well.  Certainly she was a little insipid compared with the likes of, for example, former X-Factor contestant Ruth Lorenzo, competing for Spain, whose bust engagingly signalled her big notes several seconds in advance.

Backstage with two of Poland's background girls

There was a paucity of underdressed dancing decoration from former Eastern Bloc countries this year.  Croatia, Serbia, Czech Rebublic and Bulgaria didn't compete this year and Macedonia, Albania, Georgia, Moldova, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania didn't make the final.  This meant that some of the big block votes (Baltic countries, Balkans and former Soviet Republics) we have seen in the past were not so apparent.

Churn it girl, churn it!

All was not lost, however, because of a jovially politically incorrect performance from Polish act Donatan and Cleo.  This featured, more or less, Polish ladies in national costume disporting themselves on stage while lead singer Cleo blasted out the vocals.

Scrub it, girl, scrub it

Two of the girls mimed doing their washing and churning milk whilst wearing low cut tops.  There has been horror from the increasingly vocal anti-objectification of women caucus in the trendier parts of the media over here.  Fortunately the Poles, an admirable, hard-working people with a long, historic heritage, have more sense of humour than some of Triple P's countrymen.

Donatan lurks amongst the Slavic Girls

Oddly (or perhaps sensibly), Donatan, the male member of the group, didn't go on stage at all which must be the first time one of the named acts didn't actually appear.  His partner Cleo (Joanna Klepko - a former polish X-Factor contestant) handled the vocals for their slightly grating but enthusiastic folk/hip-hop song My Słowianie (Slavic Girls).

Some fine examples of national dress

The butter churning and washer-woman figures on stage may have appeared to be rather random but they are reflections of the song's original video where a group of Polish lovelies (and really lovely they are too) are shown how to be proper Slavic girls.

This seems to involve mainly displaying their busts to great advantage while butter churning, washing and one we didn't see onstage, making bread.  The whole thing is entertainingly like an old Benny Hill Hill's Angels video.

The video also shows this quite spectacular example of Polish womanhood having a nice bath in a wooden tub afterwards.

Sadly, the song itself wasn't that strong (who actually really thinks hip-hop is music?) but still finished 14th, slightly better than the UK's 17th.

The voting for the final was split 50/50 between a panel of "experts" and a public telephone vote.  Interestingly, the British experts put Malta in their top spot and Poland dead last.  The song finished 23rd out of 25 so it makes you wonder about their expertise.  Malta has had some excellent songs in the past but this wasn't one of them.  What was more interesting was that the 12 points as awarded by the British telephone voters went to Poland.  Which either shows quite how many Polish people we have in Britain now or how much British people like tits.  Or maybe both.

More pictures of the girls, wearing rather less, can be found on our Venus Observations blog here.


  1. I heard from a buddy about the butter churning girls and I laughed because it couldn't have been true. But there it is. Awesome. That butter needed to be churned anyways so why not hot Polish girls.

  2. We have a titillation category for our Eurovision tipple game. The Polish entry was the only sustained bout of tippling effected by titillation. Ola Ciupa & the delicious Paula are revealed below:-

  3. Thanks for the link. More on these Polish lovelies shortly!