The standard of women on the FHM calender continues to plunge with worthless reality TV star Lucy Mecklenburgh appearing for May,
Agent Triple P has never seen an episode of the show that brought Miss Meck (as she is often referred to, probably because her name has far too many syllables for her fans) "fame". The Only Way is Essex is best described as a UK version of the equally appalling Jersey Shore.
It's impossible to describe an "Essex girl" to anyone who has never met one but suffice to say she will probably be adorned with leopard print, far too much fake tan, very high heels and clothes which are two sizes too small for her.
She will also have an accent that can remove paint from a suspension bridge at a range of two miles. Even Professor Henry Higgins would give up in despair at the completely mangled version of English used by these people. Foreigners would need subtitles.
She's not really that colour, you know
So, Miss Mecklenburgh is not the sort of lady to take to tea at the Ritz (although maybe she is, these days) and, as we haven't seen any of the programmes (which are inexplicably popular in Britain) we know nothing about her other than the fact that she is 22 and seems to have got through quite a lot of boyfriends during the course of the show.
What we can learn is that she really has quite a splendid figure, with a nicely defined waist and impressive legs. Even when snapped by a paparazzo in Miami (wearing perfectly normal clothes for a stroll through the streets - see below) she actually looks rather fine.
She has an engagingly vacuous looking face but rather nice, sultry eyes. The trick, we suspect, is never to allow her to speak...