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Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Creme Eggs - even more revolting than before

Louise Thompson in some real Creme Eggs

Agent Triple P has never had a sweet tooth and remembers his father telling him that "chocolate was for children".  He has, however, associated with a large number of chocolate loving women and one of these was recently moaning about the ruination of the Cadbury's Creme egg by its hated American owners.

Now, personally,  we have always thought that the Creme Egg (first sold in 1963) was one of the most disgusting confections ever made; with sweet Dairy Milk chocolate enrobing (as much posher chocolatiers would say) an almost indescribable mix of sugary yellow and white fondant filling.   However, some women become addicted to these tooth-rotting treats.  We even knew a girl who would grant sexual favours for a six pack of creme eggs (at least to Triple P - we hoped she didn't do that to everyone she met).  Another girl we knew used a Creme Egg to recreate the notorious scene from Japanese erotic classic Ai no Korīda  with predictably messy results.  Creme Eggs are most unusual in that they have a fixed season and are only available from 1st January until Easter Day.  In this period Cadbury's sells more than 200 million of them in Britain.

Now, however, with the hostile acquisition of Cadbury by Kraft four years ago, it is now owned by its spin off, Mondelēz, which is one of those made up corporate nonsense names with no heritage whatsoever (see also Lexus, Häagen-Dazs, Accenture etc.) as opposed to Cadbury established by John Cadbury in 1824.  In fact, said young lady we mentioned before actually lived in Bourneville, the Cadbury company town established in 1879 near Birmingham.

The press over here has been full of the news that the Dairy Milk chocolate always used on the eggs has been replaced with an inferior type for this season.  Also, the boxes of six (which copy the way real eggs are sold, of course) have been replaced by packs of five.  Our young friend was beside herself.  "They have ruined them!" she wailed.  A big campaign has begun to try to get Cadbury's to change the recipe back.  We think the chances are slim (unlike Creme Egg eaters) not just because Mondelēz is an evil American multinational (another friend explained how Kraft had previously ruined the Belgian Côte d'Or brand), nor that Americans have no idea about what constitutes good chocolate (Americans are good at producing many things: space rockets, iPods, sports shoes but chocolate, no) but because we think that their fans are so addicted that they will put up with a lesser product as it is better than no Creme Eggs at all.  We would love to see a Coca-Cola style u-turn but sadly this seems unlikely.

Triple P has only had a couple of these in his life and doesn't really understand the complaint about the change of chocolate as the interior is so overwhelmingly ghastly that we are amazed that anyone can taste the chocolate at all.  But Cadbury's official Creme Egg Facebook page is clocking up hundreds of complaints.

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